Jim Trainer

Shrieks of Paradise, Correspondence&Rails#60, Dear Myra

In Uncategorized on March 27, 2020 at 6:03 pm

The Office of Jim Trainer
1500 Crestwood Road, Garage
Austin TX 78722

Myra Reichel
Media, PA

4/16/18, 3:32PM

Dear Myra-

I can’t thank you enough for your gift. It helped make the nut of tour and certainly eased my transition back.  It was a shot in the arm too, and it felt like the universe was trying to tell me to go for it.  I love when that happens.  I got fired when I got back, which isn’t really a bad thing considering that job was killing me.  It was taking over my life.  Now, thanks to you and some other things coming my way, I’ll be spending this week getting a proposal for the CORE grant together.  I feel like the universe was telling me to do that, too.

I put the timer on and gave myself an hour to write.  Then I’ll get back to the application and tighten it up for them and for when I bring it in to open office hours tomorrow.  The new place is good, it’s private-ish and all mine.  I have the carport to myself and I like to open the front door and get some writing done on the loveseat, away from the desk.  The arts are still giving, Myra, and I only expect it to get better.  Like life.  We live to create and pretty soon it’s creation that will keep us alive.  I’m working this weekend, Friday and Saturday—old hustles that I can do in my sleep even if they’ll wear me out.  I’ve got 2 checks coming to me from the old job and I might even qualify for unemployment.  If I do, it’ll be, to quote Hunter Thompson, like falling down an elevator shaft and landing in a pool full of mermaids.

I’m finding for the life, taking to the territory.  It’s what I’ve always wanted but came to find it especially lacking while caring for Blair, the quadriplegic man I cared for, for the last 5 years.  I turned 40 working for him and that’s when a great and terrible dread seized me  I had a visit then, in 2015, from my muse, my Dean Moriarty–Bernard Pearce. He had some choice words for me.  Token words I won’t forget.  He planted a seed and now we’re going to be on the road together.  Everywhere from New Orleans to Bulgaria and we’ll be singing and writing and speaking the whole way.  It’s a good life.  I expect it to get even better, too.  Wider in scope and greater in acquisition.

I’ve been set free and it’s terrifying.  I’ve stripped myself of intoxicants, except coffee which I drink copiously, and I’ve a new confidence.  I may be terrified but I’m not as scared as I used to be, if that makes any sense.  Makes me think of Lao Tsu…Small fears eat away at man’s happiness.  Giant fears swallow him whole. I’m not victim to the small fears anymore, Myra, at least—I can see beyond them.  I’m taking to the territory and inspired by the giant fear, which is probably death but more likely death in life of which I am terrified.  I’m hoping it will fuel me on.  With all this time on my hands it’s easy to get distracted.  I must constantly stimulate myself and remember that this is it.  The young time is over and it won’t be coming back.  This is the old time, the seasoned years, the greys sprouting through the black and the mornings breaking harder from the shallow nights.  If I forget, or get sidelined or distracted all I have to remember is that I earned this.  Every last bit of it.  It wasn’t free and it’s mine  I wouldn’t have made it if I didn’t put it on the line and I’ll never make it without the love and kindness of people like you.

I feel your and Lou’s support of me always.  You guys are part of my life in wonderful ways.  Your son got married and had 2 incredible children.  And I’m still out here on the road, trying to make it and the greatest thing to happen to me is knowing that I will.

Best to Lou.

Much love Always,
Your Other Son

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: