Jim Trainer

FRONT LOADING BLOG POSTS AT THE WORLD’S END

In Uncategorized on November 24, 2019 at 4:05 pm
THIS POST WAS WRITTEN ON NOVEMBER 23, 2019

We are witnessing the postmodern version of the full-scale gangsterization of the world.
Dr. Cornel West

I want a body on my record.
Deontay Wilder

A great compliment
will come to you in the form
of insecurity hidden behind
a mirror of betrayal.

There’s all kinds of reasons to not believe it, not think about it. Not internalize it. That’s the next thing, right? You might think about it, or read something that upsets you—and you think about it, but then you don’t think about it. And then maybe you think about it later, or maybe you read something else, and so it becomes this awareness in your consciousness. That’s a completely different thing than internalizing it—and making it a truth about your world. Making it fit into the idea in your brain of existence itself. That’s a whole other step. And it’s really challenging.
Roy Scranton

Warmest Greetings from the War Room.  It’s quieter than a tomb at the Writer’s Desk.  The trees out the wide, green window are almost stripped and anyway have become gold.  I’m happy for the change of seasons and any kind of ecological normalcy left us for these dwindling years of the Anthropocene.   Think whatever you want to.  I commented earlier, on an enemy’s feed, about the end and the shrinking window of time we’ve left here.  From me, a comment like that can only mean growth.  In fact it was only weeks ago when I was calling him Asshole Dan on his feed and then tagging him as such on mine.  Full retaliation for the ignorant.  Kill the head and the body will die.  You know, anger and Fuck You and all that, but…this was different.  What he got from me this morning was more about acceptance than peace though there’s probably not much difference and anyway, when the human race is gone I imagine it’ll be nothing but gravy for the planet and whatever species remain.   My fight’s not with him and these days I lean from any kind of fight at all.  I could get mad enough to try and shake the thinking of the hippie bastard or I could blame the rich and oligarchs that did this to us but the truth is that we did this to us–and even if we could somehow and worldwide get on the same page we’re not going to do anything about it and that’s because we don’t want to think about the fact that we are going to die.  It’s that simple but extremely difficult to digest and anyway integrate–not that the end is coming but that the end is already here.  It’s not that capitalism did this to us, not the cluelessness of thin-headed hippies on Facebook or the selfishness of the filthy fucking rich behind wide walls that matter to me now.  We’re all going to die and anyway on the way there get extremely compromised.  The die is cast, the fat is in the fire and the time to change was thirty years ago.

The question becomes not if but why?  When we stop blaming each other we’re closer to accepting that the human race won’t go on.  If the human race won’t go on we’re left with a heavy fucking why, man–the heaviest this species has ever had to contend with.  Why should we go to work, make Art, have kids, fight for healthcare, play the guitar or vote for President when time is only winding down and, in the words of Roy Scranton, all the institutions, structures, and systems we live within are predicated on the indefinite persistence of the present…?  There comes the strangest kind of relief knowing:  not only are you going to die but the whole human race besides.  It’s a strange relief and an incomprehensible dread but either one’s enough to make you batshit and terrified.  I haven’t shit since the Presidential Election but it’s getting better.  I went from gravy tunnelin’ to angry vipers–long skinny shits that bite and burn and need to come out immediately, as in, I think I have to go oh shit I have to go!  It could be worse and it always is somewhere in the Final Century.  This has been the hardest part perhaps, not my devastation but the fact that I know someone somewhere else is dealing with it.  Dead parents and dead kids.  Cyclones and sarin gas.  A government that clubs you in the street or dismembers you behind closed doors.  It’s an uneasy peace I have Good Reader knowing both how good I have it and how little of any fight I offer really matters in the toilet flush of this last epoch.

I’m front loading these posts for the weeks of insanity that are December.  I’m backsliding into the personal because blogs are passe and I want you to have all the info you should require to make it out, buy a book and say Howdy.  One thing’s for sure about the End, it’s given me the moment.  More than Yoga or cocaine, more than upright bass or languidly laying in Roggie’s perfumed bed.  I know that when you and I meet it’ll be only one of so many times.  I know that I will say goodbye to you and everyone I know, and you will say goodbye to me.  It’s all I can do to be present.  Even on a stupid Saturday sipping cold coffee with the neighbor running a compressor what the fuck.  Oh well.  There’s always next week’s post which I’ll probably write in a couple hours.  Come on out, Good Reader, let’s do this while we can.  It’s just us chickens in the land of Nod and we knew this couldn’t last.  We’ve seen this coming since we were born.  Ciao motherfucker.

2031, JIM TRAINER’S SIXTH FULL-LENGTH COLLECTION OF POETRY, IS AVAILABLE NOW THROUGH YELLOW LARK PRESS.  NO COMEBACKS BY WILL STENBERG IS AVAILABLE NOW THROUGH YELLOW LARK PRESS.
ORDER YOUR COPIES HERE.
SHARE THE POEM OF THE WEEK ON SOCIAL MEDIA AND I’LL WRITE YOU A POEM!
SEND ME YOUR ADDRESS AND I’LL WRITE YOU A LETTER!
PART 20 OF THE COARSE GRIND, MY MONTHLY COLUMN ON THE CREATIVE LIFE, IS LIVE AT INTO THE VOID.
Stay tuned for news on these releases, readings and broadsides from each collection, designed by Snakes Will Eat You and letter pressed at the Austin Book Arts Center.
  1. What?  Password protected to read your post??? Oy vey! Just wanted to let you know that I am flying into Austin this Tuesday.(That’s 2 days from now – can’t believe it’s here!)Flight is due to arrive 12:35pm.  Julian and I will talk at noon tomorrowabout details.   Looking forward to seeing both of you! Hugs,Donna All you need is love….

  2. […] we blew it bad but I’ll still go out tonight and go to work tomorrow.  I touched on this on my last front-loaded blog post.  There’s a heavy why to every endeavor now.  Perhaps all the moreso because there […]

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