Jim Trainer

half life

In Jim Trainer, Poetry on November 13, 2014 at 4:39 pm

for Ryan Camp

worse than last year
and last year I was feeling
worse than the year before
I’m half the man I was
and even less than that every year
I look in the mirror
and it’s the same face
is the goddess still in love with me?
time wrecks me and wears me down
the red heart’s pocked with hatred
and I’m better off w/o them
but it got me, too
this cheap, fast life
in which you hold on and you can’t win
but if you let go you’ll just lose
I can tell you’ve grown tired, friend
you’ve held me up too long
and it’s dragging you down
you know I still know what’s right
shit, she tried to hug me at the party
last night
there won’t be any forgiveness for her
she’s as phony as they come
her porcelain smile her perfect triumph
of vanity over truth
she said I was crazy
“the fuck does she know?”
you tell me I’m depressed
at too many parties celebrating
and the cool Fall nights
stacked up and heavy in death’s cadre
weighing me down, coming between us
tipping the scales and tempting me to
go dark fully

I never wanted to hurt you, friend
that’s the saddest part
I know that I’ve let you down and that
really breaks my heart.

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  1. Reblogged this on Going for the Throat and commented:

    To remind me of how far I’ve come, here is a repost of “half life”, a poem I wrote last year. You don’t have to be a victim of depression. There is help out there. There are solutions and ways to alleviate your suffering. Thanks as always.

  2. […] bosses and I’d no heart or stakes left.  The only thing I could compare the terrible summer of ’14 to was when I had to flee Hostile City for my life and sanity and get sober.  So, here I was, in […]

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