for Brother Butch&All of You

Maybe even then it was on its way. I can’t tell and I don’t believe in fate. There are plenty of names for it but whatever you want to call it, I have no use in handing over my power. Be it to: fate or God or “a reason”.
I can get behind destiny. A fine and loaded word, that. Destiny connotes a fight, infers something won, maybe a coming into your own power. What else? The hardest thing will be remembering.  Summoning what they tried to stone out of you in school and bore through you on the shift. It’s been nothing short of a miracle-this pushing of buds against the hard dead ground.  The seed spindling up&out, cracking stone to get out to where the warm sun shines and the wild wind blows.
I believe in death. I believe in my People. I believe in the limitless cargo of the heart. We were carried and we will carry.
There wasn’t much light at times and there was nothing but a suffocating fury at times. You know I’ve been the first to say “this shit sucks” and curse it. Now I learn grace and “kiss it as it flies”, be thankful for luck and for my own strength.

This life is too short and there’s not enough of it.  I don’t look up to the sky or ask for forgiveness.  I see the light in your eyes and I see you wreck shop when you do work.  I’m here.  On the other side of 20years on the shift and my bitterness is all but burned away.  I’ve developed some nasty habits to get me through.  I’ve handed and continue to hand over my power to these.  I don’t curse or demonize.  With grace I simply continue walking down the path and cultivate some different habits.  They will replace the old.  I’ll get up there under the hot lights, reclaiming full lung capacity and scream my fucking head off engaging in the fine sport of rock&roll.  Oh-you didn’t know?
One of the goals of my life is to be the singer for a killit band.  It’s happening and the wheels are turning and its real.

I’m streamlining my energies, taking my power back from usurping and destructive influences at my own hands.  I can’t curse or demonize them b/c at this point they are me.  I’m confident that through spiritual&physical habits and ritual I’ll uncover a storehouse of energy there-and the road will open up and we’ll walk down it together in Victory.